Matilda Who Told Lies....

I love my children.

With that said, they like to push me to my limit. They are lazy. They are disrespectful. They are irrational. They are rude. They are filthy. And they lie.

I love my children, but without me to steer them in the right direction, they would be horrible, horrible creatures. I can only imagine what kind of monsters they would be without their mother's love and guidance. It is with my help that they are able to be mainstreamed into civilized society.

The trick to raising such unruly beasts is to scare the crap out of them. If they fear you, they will obey. If they are not afraid, then you are powerless against them.

Tonight's bedtime poem, intended for Georgia, was "Matilda Who Told Lies and was Burned To Death."

I'll share it with you, just in case you need it some day.

MATILDA WHO TOLD LIES, AND WAS BURNED TO DEATH

by: Hilaire Belloc (1870-1953)

ATILDA told such Dreadful Lies,

It made one Gasp and Stretch one's Eyes;

Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth,

Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth,

Attempted to Believe Matilda:

The effort very nearly killed her,

And would have done so, had not She

Discovered this Infirmity.

For once, towards the Close of Day,

Matilda, growing tired of play,

And finding she was left alone,

Went tiptoe to the Telephone

And summoned the Immediate Aid

Of London's Noble Fire-Brigade.

Within an hour the Gallant Band

Were pouring in on every hand,

From Putney, Hackney Downs, and Bow.

With Courage high and Hearts a-glow,

They galloped, roaring through the Town,

'Matilda's House is Burning Down!'

Inspired by British Cheers and Loud

Proceeding from the Frenzied Crowd,

They ran their ladders through a score

Of windows on the Ball Room Floor;

And took Peculiar Pains to Souse

The Pictures up and down the House,

Until Matilda's Aunt succeeded

In showing them they were not needed;

And even then she had to pay

To get the Men to go away!

It happened that a few Weeks later

Her Aunt was off to the Theatre

To see that Interesting Play

The Second Mrs. Tanqueray.

She had refused to take her Niece

To hear this Entertaining Piece:

A Deprivation Just and Wise

To Punish her for Telling Lies.

That Night a Fire did break out--

You should have heard Matilda Shout!

You should have heard her Scream and Bawl,

And throw the window up and call

To People passing in the Street--

(The rapidly increasing Heat

Encouraging her to obtain

Their confidence) -- but all in vain!

For every time she shouted 'Fire!'

They only answered 'Little Liar!'

And therefore when her Aunt returned,

Matilda, and the House, were Burned.