Big Fat Hairy Tuesday

Tuesdays are my least favorite day of the week. It is my volunteer day at Cimino Elementary School. First I go to Casey's classroom where I help Ms. Morrow with her "centers." After an hour of kindergarten fun, I then mosey on over to the Media Center where I spend the rest of my morning and afternoon. I'm only supposed to stay until 2pm but by the time the library closes, the pile of books is usually so high that I end up staying until 3pm putting them back on the shelves. Thursday and Friday I will spend my mornings volunteering at the school book fair.

It is not that I dislike volunteering, but it is work, and it takes a lot of time out of my schedule that I can ill afford to waste these days. But I do it because I believe in it. The library would not be able to run without the help of volunteers, and I committed to Tuesdays at the beginning of the year, so I go every Tuesday. Unlike others who may or may not show up for their assigned day, depending on the weather or whether they have something better to do. The fact is, there are about a thousand kids at this elementary school, and yet we barely have enough parent volunteers to cover five days a week. And the same volunteers usually cover several shifts a week.

I have never had a career. Unless you consider "volunteering" a career, because I have been doing it for the past 18 years, between Army Family Readiness Groups, Soccer Clubs, and Elementary Schools. You might say I'm addicted to volunteering. An extra income would really help us right now so I can't help but wonder if I am insane for "wasting" all my time doing jobs that pay nothing. And yet, it is my thing. It is who I am; it is what I do. Maybe some day I will have a paying job, but for now volunteering fills me with a sense of "giving back" and thus validates my existence.

I recently read a book where one of the characters stated that "There are no truly unselfish acts in this world. We all have something to gain by what we do." At first I was appalled by that notion...what about Mother Teresa? Soldiers? Missionaries in Africa? Oprah? **ha ha**

But then I started thinking about it, and I believe there is truth in that statement. At least in my case, even something like volunteering is not totally selfless. Deep down I know I do this not just for the sake of the school, or my kids, or anyone else. Because on some banal level, it makes me feel important...needed...worthy. It gives me something to say "I do." And damn, I'm so good...I do it for free.

With that thought I'm off to Ms. Morrow's class to fulfill my weekly selfish need for self validation. Happy Big Fat Hairy Tuesday, everyone.