What is "achievement"?

I know that we are supposed to instill a sense of achievement in our children, and teach them to reach for the stars. But I have to question if that is always the right thing to do.

Last year Hannah moved to a new state, a brand new middle school, at the tender/complicated age of twelve. Going through adolescence is very difficult, add to that a brand new environment, new peers, Middle School pressures, and a lot of bodily changes that are difficult for a little girl to understand. Yet in spite of all those things she managed to end the school year with straight A's on her report card.

You bet your ass I'm proud of my girl. She may not be sugar and spice and everything nice, but she proved to me that she is capable of setting a high standard for herself and achieving it. As a reward for her efforts and accomplishments, Burns Middle School moved her out of the "Advanced" classes and into the "Advanced Honors" program this year. Most of her classes are high school courses, so if she maintains a C average in them, she will get high school credit.

It's almost the end of the first grading period and thanks to the Edline website, I am able to track everything Hannah does in school from homework to classwork to tests and quizzes. I can see her conduct grade and if she ever misses a class, I will know immediately. Her teachers upgrade her current progress report daily so I know what her up-to-the-moment grades are in each class. Isn't modern technology great?

Not so much. It is to the point that when I get an email from Edline telling me that something has been updated on my daughter's page, I get sick to my stomach. That is mostly because Hannah is not "thriving" in the Honors program. In fact, her last three lab grades in IPS were a 40, a 23, and a 45. Her current grade is an F.

I know Hannah is trying. I see the homework she brings home every day and I see her working on it every night until after 10pm. Hannah also knows the house rule: If she gets less than a B on her report card we will take everything away from her until she can improve that grade. That means no phone, no computer, no iPod. And those 3 things, I daresay, are more important in her teenage life than I am.

So Hannah realizes what is at stake here. Yet her grades still suck. In all of her 13 years, she has never received anything less than a B. So I know something is wrong.

Of course I have been in contact with her teacher. But so far, I don't see any improvement. I'm now feeling extremely irritated at Burns Middle School for taking my daughter out of a situation where she was thriving, and throwing her into one that is causing her (and us!) nothing but grief, stress, and frustration. Is this what "reaching for the stars" is supposed to feel like? If a child is excelling in something, then the answer is to make it harder for her? Why would it be so bad to leave her in the plain old "Advanced" classes and forget about the "Honors" program?

The damage is done. Hannah's confidence has been sucked away. She now thinks she is "stupid" and that is ridiculous, but thanks to the harm caused by this Honors program, I can't change her mind.

Georgia is doing super in school as well. Her teachers want her to get tested for AGP (Advanced Gifted Program) but I flat-out refuse. I learned from my mistakes with Hannah. I don't think Georgia is bored, and I do think she is being challenged ENOUGH. Therefore, let her stay in the regular fourth grade class and be ranked among the top students, rather than get put into a program where she will struggle and to be "average."

People talk about setting the bar higher and higher in life. I say, set it in the middle where you know you can reach it. Maybe it's not so much about reaching for the stars as it is feeling like one.